Love and Anxiety Arriving Together - Breathe Melodies for Mums - Breathe
Donate

Love and Anxiety Arriving Together – Breathe Melodies for Mums

Thu 9 Apr

This is a story about early motherhood - the love, the anxiety, and everything in between. One of our Breathe Melodies for Mums participants shares her experience with honesty and vulnerability, offering a glimpse into the challenges she faced and the support she found along the way. This is her story...

Please note – Names have been changed to protect privacy.

For me, the best part of my pregnancy was on 29th April – when it ended. I had experienced Hyperemesis since week three, leaving me feeling debilitated, exhausted beyond comprehension, isolated, useless, and alone. Jude was delivered by emergency caesarean section, and we stayed in hospital for four nights afterwards. As I had hoped and dreamed, the overwhelming love was instant.

There’s very little time to be present with the thought of “wow, what has my mind and body just been through”.  What I wasn’t prepared for was the anxiety that arrived the moment Jude did. I remember asking my husband to sleep on the hospital floor underneath Jude’s cot so he could watch him and make sure he was still breathing. At the time, it didn’t feel unusual; it felt necessary. Now I know that so many new mums lie awake listening for breathing, checking chests rising and falling, holding a responsibility that suddenly feels enormous. But at the time I thought there was something wrong with me — that I was too anxious, too worried, too much. I didn’t know then that this is something many of us experience, and that anxiety and love often arrive together.

It was in my first session that my shame lessened and my hope grew. I was holding my baby and singing ‘Breathe in, Breathe out’, and for the first time in months I felt something close to peace. I felt held, safe, and able to be vulnerable in that space.

For me, the anxiety wouldn’t settle, and over the following weeks it grew and grew until it was debilitating. Looking back now Hyperemisis during pregnancy, having no family support network, an emergency Caesarian, the hormonal crash, sleep deprivation, and breastfeeding not working despite my best efforts, it’s sort of no wonder that it was four weeks after Jude’s birth that I spoke to a Psychiatrist, and a week after that I admitted myself into a psychiatric Mother and Baby Unit (MBU). I had been diagnosed with postnatal Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) primarily due to the repetitive compulsive checking on Jude and the intrusive thoughts.

I found myself feeling ashamed about my situation. All the other mums in the world could do it, so why couldn’t I?

I was told the Breathe Melodies for Mums group would run weekly in the MBU. I felt happy but I wasn’t sure why, as I couldn’t sing – maybe because a weekly group would offer consistency. It was in my first session that my shame lessened and my hope grew. A memory sacred to me, that I don’t think I’ll ever forget, is singing the song “Breathe in, Breathe out”. I was snuggling a five-week-old Jude in my arms and I felt so held in the space by the group facilitator that I allowed myself to deeply breathe in and breathe out. The next line “when I breathe in, I breathe in peace” also holds such meaning for me, as I remember in that moment thinking that I felt the closest to something like peace that I had done since I’d found out I was pregnant. I felt held, safe, and able to be vulnerable in that space. Afterwards, I felt such a release of emotion, I cried – sobbed. Something I hadn’t been able to do for around ten months. That was it, it was my baby, my husband, Breathe Melodies for Mums and Wednesdays’ weekly pasta bake that would get me through.

Imagine a space, not just a physical space but an emotional one—a non-judgemental, safe space where no one expects you to have it all together. We’re all just there to sing, to laugh, to rant and to breathe.

Fast forward nine weeks and what’s scarier than being admitted to an MBU – being discharged as a new mum with limited support. I wanted to make new mum friends, but the idea of going to a new group felt overwhelming. And then came Melodies for Mums, back in the community, a ten-week course specifically for mums who had struggled with their mental health. Did I feel a sense of belonging because I knew some of the songs already – yes. Did I feel ashamed about my MBU experience – no. Was this the most fun part of our week for ten weeks – absolutely yes!

Imagine a space, not just a physical space but an emotional one — a non-judgemental, safe space where no one expects you to have brushed your hair, slept more than two hours, or have any idea what you’re doing. A space made up entirely of mums you can relate to, mums who have struggled, mums who just get it without you having to explain. No one is pretending everything is perfect, – we’re all just there to sing, to laugh, to rant and to breathe.

These sessions gave me more than just somewhere to go each week. They gave me the confidence to leave the house, to talk to other mums, and to believe that maybe I was actually doing an okay job after all.

These sessions gave me more than just a group to go to each week. They gave me the confidence to leave the house, the confidence to talk to other mums, and the confidence that maybe I was actually doing an okay job after all. They also gave me friends — the kind of friends you message during the 3am night feeds when the world feels very quiet.

Every night before bed I sing “Boats Go Home” to Jude. A favourite memory of mine was making Jude’s bottle and hearing my husband from Jude’s bedroom say “no need to cry baby, I can sing it too, listen – “we have met eye to eye, and in song, in song” and a very hungry Jude just relaxing into the moment of his daddy’s rendition of a Breathe Melodies for Mums top tune!

This is my story, but if even the smallest part sounds familiar, Breathe Melodies for Mums is there. You don’t need to be able to sing. You just need to arrive and be.

New Breathe Melodies for Mums programmes are starting this May (2026) across London. Find out more and register HERE.