I Felt Seen, Heard, Loved and Supported - Jay's Story

As Pride Month celebrates love, identity and community, it's also an opportunity to recognise the many different families who make up our communities. Every parent's journey into motherhood is unique, but the need for connection, understanding and support is something that unites us all.

We’re sharing Jay’s story. Jay is married to Jess. They have a 16-month-old son, Ezra. Jay went through one of the most challenging pregnancies and births imaginable and found her way through with the help of community and Breathe Melodies for Mums.

There’s a question Jay and her wife Jess get asked at appointments, at classes, in waiting rooms.

Which one of you is mum? “No one ever assumes a baby has two mums,”

It can feel like a small thing in the moment, but it adds up. Jay and Jess carry it lightly because they’ve learned to. But it’s always there.

A Pregnancy That Nearly Broke Her

Jay’s pregnancy was, in her words, “hell on earth.” From the very beginning, she was seriously unwell, bedbound, signed off work, and losing weight. A series of complications followed, one after another, right through to the final weeks. Her son’s birth was traumatic and frightening, and she was under general anaesthetic when he arrived. She didn’t meet Ezra for hours. She barely remembers it.

The months that followed were relentless. Ezra had colic and an undiagnosed dairy intolerance that meant he cried almost constantly. The exhaustion and the weight of everything that had happened, the pregnancy, the birth, the sleepless nights – took their toll.

“There was just no let up. No time to process anything. And then eventually, after a couple of months, I thought, I actually am not okay.”

I don't think I processed anything for the whole nine months. And then it was a really traumatic birth. And then you go straight into having a newborn.
Jay - Breathe Melodies for Mums Participant

What It Means to Have Two Mums

On the surface, Jay and Jess’s experience of pregnancy was largely positive. Nobody questioned them. Nobody made them feel unwelcome. Jay is the first to acknowledge how lucky they were.

But the assumptions, the ones that aren’t malicious, just unthinking, still accumulate. Classes where it’s mum at the front, dad at the back, and Jay and Jess have to silently decide which of them is “mum today.”

And for Jess, something deeper: the fear of not feeling like a “real” mum. Of being the non-birthing parent in a world that still hasn’t fully caught up with what that means.

I think dads are sometimes seen as lesser parents,” Jay says. “And non-birthing mothers get put in the same category by default. We need spaces that make room for both parents to be equally involved, equally seen.”

While Jay’s experience as part of a two-mum family shaped aspects of her journey, the challenges she faced in those early months are ones many new mothers will recognise, the exhaustion, the isolation, the feeling that everyone else has figured something out that you haven’t.

Birthing a child does not make you any more of a parent than raising a child. My wife is no less of my son's mum than I am.
Jay - Breathe Melodies for Mums Participant

Apprehensive to Try

Jay’s health visitor was the one who suggested she reach out for support. She was referred to Breathe Melodies for Mums and signed up, nervously.

She’d already had a difficult experience at a baby group. Ezra had screamed the whole way through, and she’d walked out early, mortified, swearing never to try again. The idea of a room full of strangers and babies filled her with dread.

“I was absolutely petrified. I thought he was going to cry the whole time, disrupt the class, disturb everyone else. It sounded awful, honestly.”

But she went, nervous and braced for disaster. What she found was something she hadn’t expected.

What Breathe Melodies for Mums Actually Does

From the moment Jay walked in, the atmosphere was different.

It was the first time since Ezra was born that Jay felt she could just be herself, not just a mum trying to hold everything together.

They said - there are people here to hold your baby if you need a moment. You can feed them anywhere, change them anywhere. If they cry, it doesn't matter. And I was immediately put at ease."
Jay - Breathe Melodies for Mums Participant

After that first session, the group went for coffee. Someone said, quietly: ” This is hard, isn’t it?

“We were all like, wait, it’s not just me? Everyone is finding this really hard. That was such a reassuring moment.” That moment of shared honesty was the beginning of a real shift in Jay’s well-being.

The weekly sessions became the anchor of her week, a reason to get out of the house, a rhythm when everything else felt formless. The music itself became a tool for connection, something to share with Ezra.

“One of the lullabies came from Brazil. On sleepless nights I often think there’s probably someone in Brazil singing this to their baby right now. It was really bonding, to all mothers, universally”

By the end of the ten weeks, Jay felt different. Not because everything had become easy, but because she had found confidence in herself as a mother, community around her, and knew she wasn’t alone.

“The whole ‘it takes a village’ thing, Breathe Melodies for Mums really reaffirmed that for me. Even just in the little things, like knowing there’s someone to hold your baby if you need a minute. That matters more than you’d think.”

I became confident in my abilities as a mum. I didn't feel so alone. And it gave me so many ways to bond with Ezra, ways to relax, ways to feel part of a local community. It was exactly what I needed
Jay, Breathe Melodies for Mums Participant

A Message for This Pride Month

“Your child will never see you as any less of a parent, regardless of what outsiders might say. Even in situations where you experience judgment or where people just don’t get it, it doesn’t make you any less. It doesn’t change anything.”

And to any new mum, in any family set up, who’s sitting on the fence about Breathe Melodies for Mums:

“I know you’re scared to take the step. But once you’re there, you won’t regret it. It will genuinely change your life for the better. It’s exactly what you need, even if you can’t feel that yet.”

Jay looks back at those weeks at Breathe Melodies for Mums with what she calls rose-tinted glasses. She knows, rationally, that she was exhausted and her son was still cranky and nothing was easy. But the feeling she carries from that time is different.

“I felt seen. I felt heard. I felt loved. I felt supported. I felt like I belonged. It was a turning point, the first time I thought: I’ve got this. I can do this.”